The sky was dark, the smoke was cold, I wouldn't have believed that the night could make such a difference in me, again.
The engine went so soft and clear, I stopped like I knew where I must be.
It was the light I haven't seen in so long, the flow of life, clear and beautiful, soft and slow, the shine in the night, magic.
And I am on the other side, in the dark, lost; after three days I woke up, dead.
I remember slightly about it, me being against a white wall, that was feeling cold and empty. The phone rang, twice, didn't know if it was mine or where it came from. I felt the colors fade, the sound being lowered, the pain swept out. It was raining, slowly, the thunders I remember, the flashes of lightnings, the blood on the floor, the clutched hand on the trigger. Smoke, something was burning, I couldn't cough for some reason, got stuck feeling my throat invaded, couldn't breathe. I was being dragged to a place, I was floating away, was feeling like on a boat, in the darkness, misleading waves, feeling the water hitting me harder and harder, my feet grew heavier, and heavier… I could not feel my hands, I didn't remember my name, who was I? Where was I? What was happening? What is this? what… is that word… I was seeing images of people, images of places, have I been there? I didn't remember, I didn't remember the words for the things I was seeing. Where are all these people and places? They were saying something, it was too noisy to understand, something was obstructing me to see, to understand. One name I knew, I knew that I know it, but I didn't remember what was it after all. The feeling of warmth was gone for so long, couldn't remember it, but I knew it existed. I felt cold, I never felt cold before, I was dying. And then all stopped…
It was all I had, memories, the endless dreams, the nightmares, the unknown paths, the fears, the blame, the darkness. Then light came into my all. The warmest blue, the dream. Then everything broke, it went away as sudden as it came, my secret life became a past secret. The cold came back, colder than before. Unfair winter. The gray fondness, the rainy shine, unstoppable weakness, dark frozen flowers, unfair winter.
It all started wrong, on the wrong path, at the wrong place, the wrong time… I was always the wrong one. Now everything is back, again, once more, the pain in my head, in my bones, the unclear vision, the never ending nausea, the incredible unusually stupid unexpected loud laughs for no explainable reason, stunned people around whenever I pass by, it's back, Hell is back.
Places… don't matter, don't count… words. Silent screams, quiet surroundings, frozen lights, another day, nothing's any good. Words… don't matter, don't count… places.