It all started wrong, on the wrong path, at the wrong place, the wrong time… I was always the wrong one. Now everything is back, again, once more, the pain in my head, in my bones, the unclear vision, the never ending nausea, the incredible unusually stupid unexpected loud laughs for no explainable reason, stunned people around whenever I pass by, it's back, Hell is back.
“[...] si tot ce spunem mi se pareau doar niste prostii si rasul meu il auzeam in urechi si in mine atat de fals, era ca un plans si ma gandeam daca mai observa cineva, nu stiam cum sa fac sa plec mai repede si cand am plecat ma gandeam numai la ce se intamplase, imi tremurau picioarele ai nu mai aveam putere sa ma prefac ca nu s-a intamplat nimic. a fost o seara groaznica, m-am chinuit toata noaptea in gandurile mele. concluzia a fost una clara, ca nu are rost sa ma gandesc ….dar nu puteam sa-mi mut gandul in alta parte. aaa ca am continuat sa ma gandesc sa vad cat de mult poate sa ma doara, am lasat gandurile sa ma chinuie si inca le mai las pana cand vor fi din ce in ce mai putin intense, pana cand vor trece [...]”
… a fost o seara rece si pentru mine.
Places… don't matter, don't count… words. Silent screams, quiet surroundings, frozen lights, another day, nothing's any good. Words… don't matter, don't count… places.
It feels so out, on the spectating side of things, and dreams are broken into pieces, undermining my subconsciousness, breaking every piece left, dust, not even wind, it's sunny, this sun drives me crazy. The color of wine is all that keeps me alive, it's taste only gets me there, to day dreaming, all that is left, dreaming of my levels, to my life.
Mi-e rau cand beau, mi-e rau cand fumez, mi-e rau cand visez, mi-e rau cand vorbesc, mi-e rau cand gandesc, mi-e rau cand ascult, mi-e rau cand m-ascult, mi-e rau cand stau, mi-e rau cand muncesc, mi-e rau… cel mai rau mi-e cand te vad… si cand nu te vad.